Happiness

My son and I were driving down the expressway one day, and somehow stumbled into a conversation about happiness. At one point, my son said, "most people are happy and just don't know it."

My first thought was that this was a profound statement for a 21 year old. My second thought was that I knew exactly what he meant, and was in total agreement with his statement. I knew he meant that a lot of people spend a majority of their time thinking about the things they don't have, instead of focusing on what they do have. Our lives are a reflection of what we value, and what we choose to focus on. Once we accomplish a goal, or acquire something we desire, we tend to immediately think about the next thing we want, instead of looking at whether we have what we need. Most of the time, we have what we need, plus a good deal of what we want. When we focus on what is lacking in our lives, it kicks us into a state of unhappiness. After thinking about his statement for a few seconds, my son went on to say, "you know you're happy, when you wake up in the morning and you're just happy to be alive."

Of course, I had to ask... "Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling happy to just be alive?" He said, "I used to, when I was younger." I understood that the responsibilities of adulthood had taken the place of his carefree youth, but I was glad to hear that he'd experienced the feeling of just being happy to be alive. I know that no matter what he does, or where life takes him, he will have times of adversity and sadness; but I also know he will have this experience of happiness to access.

In that moment, I was happy being right where I was, and with someone who understood the real meaning of happiness. The extra bonus was that this person was my son!

A Simple Act of Kindness

Just recently, I walked into a Starbucks on a cold morning to purchase a warm drink. I placed my order at the counter and was reaching in my wallet to get the money, when a gentleman standing next to me said, "I'm paying for her drink." I glanced over and saw there was a line forming behind each of us, and I didn't know this gentleman, so I assumed he couldn't be talking about me. I handed my money to the cashier and he said, "he's paying for your drink." This was completely unexpected and I was curiously surprised, so I uttered the first words which came to mind. I looked at this man and said, "Why do you want to pay for my drink?" He responded with, "I just want you to have a wonderful day." I told him how grateful I was, and that his generous act of kindness was such a nice surprise.

We moved over to wait for our drinks to be prepared. I told him that a few days earlier, I purchased two items at a retail store, and as I was walking out of the store, I looked at my receipt and realized that I was only charged for one item. I went back to the same cashier and told her I was not charged for one of the items. She was surprised that I would come back, and said that something good was going to happen to me. I told this gentleman that he was the good thing that happened to me.

He went on to share with me the real reason I'm writing this. He said that the previous week, he was in line behind a woman in this same Starbucks when she said, "I'm paying for his drink." He said he was as surprised and grateful as I was, so he asked her what he could do to repay her. She said "just buy someone else a drink one day." He then told me that I was the one he had chosen to buy a drink for.

He got his drink, and again, wished me a wonderful day. I did have a wonderful day, and it spilled into the next day, and the next.

This nameless, faceless woman that I have never met, connected with me through this kind gentleman, and made a difference in two lives... with just one simple act of kindness.

An Adventure

I was sitting at my desk while working one morning, picked up the phone and called a friend at her office (this is not something I normally do, unless there is an emergency, this was also before the internet and e-mail)... When she answered the phone, I said, "I need an adventure." She was a bit stunned and laughed, but then went on to say she had a free airline ticket and we should go somewhere. In the end, we did take a vacation together and had a great time.

All this took place about fifteen years ago, and I still find myself needing an adventure from time to time. What I've come to realize is that what I call "an adventure" is really my way of saying, I need to do something different. What I didn't understand at the time I called my friend, was that the restlessness I was feeling was just my inner guidance telling me it was time to do something new. While it was nice to get out of town with a good friend and experience a change of scenery and events together, it wasn't what I really needed.

I needed to experience something different, and this didn't necessarily mean my external surroundings needed changing, it was more about the changes taking place in my internal landscape. There was a shift inside me that was calling for me to take notice... this is what I call restlessness. It moves in subtly and gently nudges at me until it can no longer be ignored. Nothing is working the way it used to and something has to be done differently. This means a new perspective and outlook is asking to be embraced and acted on. This is a moment of opportunity for growth and development. This is when I find myself saying, I need an adventure. I need to undergo things in a different way because I am growing and longing to experience more of myself and what I'm capable of. My old life is no longer working for me... I've become stagnant.

The adventure I'm speaking of does not require leaving the city, my home or the people in my life... it just requires that I view things in a different way; and adopt the new perspective and life that is trying to break it's way through. I choose to call it an adventure because it implies positive change and something I want to experience, as opposed to the changes which are imposed on me and I find myself resisting.

Over the years I've learned to view that nasty word "change" differently. I choose to see it as a chance to have an adventure. "An adventure" just means it's time for some positive change... it means it's time to do something different and be someone more!

Just Be You

I went to high school at a time when girls who were considered attractive had straight hair and a tan. This was unfortunate for me, because I had curly hair, pale skin, and freckles.

Straightening my hair took a lot of time and effort, but it's what I did because I wanted to be attractive and accepted. I did my best to be just like everyone else. Of course, that was never going to be quite possible, due to the fact that when I tried to tan, I just turned red and freckled more. However, this never stopped me from trying. I was sunburned more times than I can count, and I put much effort into keeping my hair straight, even when rain and humidity made it a challenge. I had a routine each evening of taking a shower, blow drying my hair as I straightened it with a brush, and then I would iron it, if need be. (This was before the days of straightening irons, so I used the clothes iron and put my head on the ironing board).

When the times shifted a little and soft curls became the hairstyle of the day, I just added another step to my routine. After blow drying it straight, I would take hot curlers and curl it to add some soft curls. All of this took time, effort and energy. Not to mention the damage I was doing to my hair.

I continued to do this for years, until one day in my early twenties, I was getting ready for work and made a conscious shift internally. I realized I was putting entirely too much effort into trying to be something I was not. Routinely straightening my hair in an effort to be accepted meant resistance and unacceptance of who I was. I was tired of swimming upstream and struggling to be something I was not. That day I went to work with curly hair, pale skin, and freckles... and it was effortless. From that day forward I stopped the daily routine of straightening my hair. I stopped the insanity of intentionally exposing my skin to the sun in hopes that it would turn darker. I'm not sure whether struggling to be something I wasn't was the impetus for this internal change, or whether it was just me no longer resisting who I was... but it was effortless and easy. It felt natural, and was just me.

I know it's been said that when you make an internal change, your external world also changes. So, I guess it makes sense that shortly after internally accepting my external self just as I was, that I met the man who is now my husband and father of my children.

It's always effortless and easy to just be you... and I believe this is how it's supposed to be!

Being Vulnerable

Being vulnerable is usually seen as a negative attribute and often times it can be interpreted as being "needy." Most of us avoid being vulnerable because it's a time when all of our insecurities rise to the surface for all to see. It can feel as though we are walking around with an open wound and our mere exposure threatens to damage us beyond repair.

I interpret vulnerability as a time of change. Just as a physical wound needs exposure to the air in order to heal, your insecurities need exposure in order for you to recognize and accept them for what they are... fear of the unknown, and doubt that you can handle it.
Vulnerability is imperative for growth and reaching your higher potential. It just means that you are changing, and change means you are becoming more. While it may seem silly to think that most of us run from becoming more, it's true. Most of us would rather stay exactly as we are, than run the risk of looking stupid or failing.

Being vulnerable means we are holding on to a way of life or perspective that is no longer working for us. We cling to people who are familiar to us, only to find these people don't quite understand us anymore. We grasp onto a way of life that once fulfilled us, only to discover this lifestyle is completely unfulfilling. Our soul is trying to tell us to try something new... but we resist because we're afraid. We're afraid of losing a life we had, and at the same time realizing this is a life in which we no longer belong. We lose our footing and feel ungrounded. We're not sure where to turn or what step to take next.

If we can see this as a natural part of the growing process and an opportuniry to develop new aspects of ourselves, we just might see this as a good thing.

Being vulnerable means we are cracking ourselves open to new possibilities. It's our creative nature calling and asking us to listen to our intuition. It may mean taking risks and it most certainly means you may look foolish... but aren't you worth it? Listen to your creative impulses and ask yourself, "What in me is waiting to be born?"

Being vulnerable means it's time to stop waiting and start trusting that you can be more... that you are more. Vulnerability signifies a window of opportunity for doing something different and being something more.

Out of Control

One morning while sitting at a stop light, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw a car coming at me at a rapid speed. I knew I was about be hit... and yet there wasn't anything I can do to prevent it from happening. I tightened up and braced for impact. I was hit from behind, then the car that hit me bounced off my bumper, rolled back and then forward, hitting me again, which in turn caused me to hit the car in front of me.

The female driver of the vehicle had unexpectedly suffered a seizure and this is what caused the collision. Fortunately, the woman's air bag deployed which prevented her from being seriously injured. My daughter was in the car with me and thankfully, we were not physically hurt, except for experiencing a few bruises and some soreness.

The next morning, my daughter asked me to take a different route to school because she didn't feel safe going that same way. I told her I didn't want the situation to control our sense of security, so we took the same route in order to face the fear of be unsafe. I actually thought that taking this same route and facing the possibility of us getting hit again would make me feel safe, but it didn't.

Since the accident, whenever I'm behind the wheel of the car, I find myself wincing when I see someone in my mirror steadily approaching me from behind or following me too closely. I know that I keep revisiting the accident and I've tried to shake it off, but still, after several months I continue to tighten up when a vehicle approaches me at a rapid pace from behind. I'm really tired of feeling this way and yet I can't seem to help it. So I finally asked myself, "what is it that I'm so afraid of?" I'm afraid of getting hit again... since the chance of this happening in the exact same manner is highly unlikely, I then realized that it's something much deeper that I'm really afraid of. I'm afraid of not having control over what happens to me and those I love. I'm afraid of being out of control. I never think of myself as a control freak, but I have to admit that being out of control is something that scares me. It took this accident to get me to see clearly that I need to surrender my need for control. I can steer the wheel, but it doesn't mean I'm in control of what happens to me on the way to my destination.

It's ironic that I fear being out of control, because all the major events of my life that led me in a different direction and created positive change, have been unplanned and ones that I didn't see coming. They reinforced my faith and trust in the fact that I am always given exactly what I need, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Everything that happens to me serves my growth and development.

So why then, knowing this to be true, do I now fear being out of control? It took this accident to remind me that I don't have complete control of my life. Each time I get in the car and become uneasy with the anxious feeling of wincing and tightening when someone approaches me from behind, I'm actually trying to control of all that happens to me through my fears. As much as I want to believe I have control of what happens to me, I'm much more uncomfortable with the thought of going through life being afraid and allowing my fears to control me. I know the only way to stop this uneasiness when I'm in the car is to surrender my need for control. Surrendering my need for control is surrendering my fear of being out of control.


Now, when I'm driving and I see someone coming at me from behind and I feel myself start to tighten up, I realize this is my pathetic attempt to control something that I have no conrtol over. Once I start to feel anxious I know it's time to say, "I surrender."

Honor Oneself

As I watched the events of the last few weeks unfold between NBC, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien, I realized that I was was watching the development of personal power right before my eyes. This is not about the blame game or casting anyone in a negative light, it's about the sacred act of honoring oneself... in my opinion, Conan O'Brien executed it magnificently with his decision to leave NBC and with his final show on Friday, January 22nd.

We all have the opportunity to influence the next stage of our lives through the choices we make in the present moment. Conan was given the directive that his show would be moved to 12:05am and this directive caused great discomfort for him for many reasons. Conan had the self-esteem to recognize that this discomfort was actually his intuition guiding him to take charge of his life and make choices that will enhance his spirit. Guidance requires action, but it does not necessarily guarantee safety. Guidance will most often direct us on a new path and one of new cycles of learning that will ignite our creativity.

From the outside his decision seemed easy, because he would still be financially set and able to maintain a comfortable lifestyle, but this is about self-respect. You cannot put a price tag on self-respect. This was a decision about choosing to honor his spirit or his physical comfort and security. In his last show, he said this was the hardest decision he has ever made in his life... and I believe him. He had the responsibility of all those people on his staff who uprooted their families to move to Los Angeles and would now lose their jobs. He had his reputation on the line and he had the possibility that his contract would prevent him from working on television for a number of years. He was at a crossroads and he had to make a choice. Should he make a choice that's safe and provides physical security, or does he listen to the discomfort he is feeling and recognize this as guidance directing him to honor his spirit?

By choosing to quit his job, he broke free of familiar and safe patterns and chose to test-fly his own creativity. He was breaking away from corporate thought and establishing his own sense of authority. He was re-creating himself and his boundaries in the face of opposition, and he had the courage to express and maintain his boundaries, as well as his principles. He did all of this based on a genuine inner belief in himself. His goodbye statement was heart-felt and devoid of negativity. He showed dignity and character. He is a shining example of personal power and the sacred act of honoring oneself. I have no doubt, that now that his spirit is in command, the next stage of his life has been positively influenced by his choice to honor himself.

Doubt

All too often I receive a visit from that pesky little demon called "doubt." If allowed to come in, it can seep through my pores and develop into self-sabotage, dismantling all my creativity.
Last week I was working on an artistic project for a client's wedding. She had used my work before and called again for an additional request. The request was a little outside my usual work and I began to doubt myself. Could I do what she requested? Yes, I could do it. Could I do it perfectly? No, I couldn't. Would she be happy with it? I didn't know. I wanted to make her happy and I doubted I could produce something that would meet her expectations. Doubt had seeped in and taken control of my psyche.

I began working on the project and I heard the voice of doubt telling me that it was not perfect and it would never be good enough. It told me that I wasn't good enough. I threw countless sheets of paper away, then in total frustrastion decided I needed to take a break. I refused to focus on it and started ironing instead. As I was ironing, something popped into my head, just out of the blue. I remembered seeing a show about "decluttering" your house. The host's advice when choosing what to keep or let go of, was that one should heed the mantra, "when in doubt, throw it out." Instantly, I knew this was not a random thought, but soul guidance speaking out to me. I was "in doubt" and I needed to "throw it out."
I sat right back down, released the doubt, and finished the project. Second guessing or self-sabotage was no longer allowed. I felt good about the work I produced and the client was happy too.

Undoubtedly, my pesky little visitor will return again and spew the trash talk. The next time "doubt" sashays into my psyche, I'm prepared to declutter my mind and just "throw it out."

It's Not You, It's Me

Many years ago I was working at a law firm and shared an office with another paralegal. Now I liked this woman just fine, in fact, I can still call her a friend today. The one thing that was bothersome about this arrangement was that this woman talked a lot. She also had a bit of a negative outlook on things. I knew things about her upbringing that gave me clarity into why she saw things as negatively as she did. Therefore, on most occasions I could ignore the negativity.
I did a lot of research at this firm and I liked it just fine, but what I really loved was writing Memorandums of Law. I never told anyone how much I did love it, so consequently, I didn't get assigned too many writing duties. One day, counsel from outside our office asked for assistance on research and writing a Memorandum of Law. Because all the attorneys were busy, it was given to me. This tickled me pink, because I loved the opportunity to write for submission to a judge. It's pretty straight forward, it requires the facts of the case, the law as it applies to the facts, your argument intermingled within and your conclusion.
I took this home and worked on it on my own time. I researched, wrote, edited and refined until I got down to a final draft. The next morning I went into work to finalize and present it to the attorney for his approval. While sitting at my desk, my co-worker came in and started talking. She talked and talked and talked. All I could think about was how I wanted to finish the Memorandum and do my best, but the talking was distracting me. I couldn't concentrate and in a moment of self-indulgence I picked up my papers and went to the senior partner and asked whether I could use a recently vacated office to do my work. He told me to go ahead. As I was sitting in there working, this partner walked in and said that if I wanted to make this my office I could because no one else would be using it. I finished the Memorandum and turned it in.

The next morning I officially moved my things into the new office. I had only told my co-worker that I was moving and didn't explain why. Later that day she came to my office and sat down. She had tears in her eyes and asked me why I moved away from her. I felt like such a jerk and I knew I had been one. Part of me wanted to tell her that while I liked her, she talked too much and her negativity was sucking the life out of me. But I knew her self-esteem was not at its highest point at the moment, and I didn't want to bring her to a new low. So I uttered the old break-up line... I said, "It's not you, it's me." Normally, I would say this is the coward's way out, but something happened as I said those words. As the words came out, I knew I was speaking the honest truth. It wasn't her, it was me. While she annoyed me at times, I learned that rejecting her and her ways was not the real issue. Thanks to her, I stated my newly discovered truth. I told her that while I loved working with people and being around others, when it came down to my individual work, I liked to work alone. I told her that is when I get the best results and I also liked time alone to process the day. Up until that moment, I hadn't totally appreciated that aboout myself. As far, as work was concerned, I required alone time and it had nothing to do with her. It was all about me.

From that moment on, when I inevitably encounter an annoying person, I look at what I need to learn about myself. After all, "it's not about them, it's about me."

Phoebe in Wonderland

As I was walking down the aisle in the video store, the cover of a DVD caught my eye. It was the movie "Phoebe in Wonderland" and it had a picture of a huge sunflower and a girl peeking through the petals. I'm not sure why it caught my eye, but I picked it up and read the back cover. It didn't offer much clarity on what the movie was about, so I decided to leave it on the shelf. After perusing the plethora of movies, something brought me back to "Phoebe in Wonderland." Because I've learned to act on my intuition, I rented the movie and took it home.


Once home, I sat down with my husband to watch it. About fifteen minutes into the movie, my husband and I looked at each other in disbelief. It became very clear to us early on that this movie was about OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and Tourettes Syndrome. Both of us are intimately aware of these disorders because we have two children that have them. Normally, I don't share this with just anyone, because it involves my children and I prefer to keep it private. However, this movie touched me so much that I feel I need to share it because it may touch and help others going through the same thing.


Daniel Barnz is the writer and director of this brilliantly executed movie. It chronicles a young girl with OCD/Tourettes and her quiet, yet painful struggles, which are all too often misunderstood. The fluent depiction of the overwhelming affect that OCD/Tourettes has on Phoebe and her family is stunningly accurate.

What I loved the most about this movie is that while it shows Phoebe's battles, it also allows the viewer to recognize and value her unique talents. With the compassionate guidance of her Theater teacher, who has the ability to see and focus on Phoebe's gifts, Phoebe gains acceptance of herself and is allowed to shine.

The Purse

I'm not sure of the exact date it first started or even why it started, but every year or two my sister would send me a purse. After she sent me the first one, she called to let me know something was on its way. Her exact words escape me, but she said something like "I saw this... I thought it looked like you and I wanted you to have it."

My sister and I are different in many ways, but for some reason she has a knack for picking out the perfect purse for me. I was always delighted with each purse and grateful to her for giving me something which she had chosen especially for me. The icing on the cake were all the compliments I received when carrying one of these purses. With each compliment I said, "Thank you, my sister gave it to me." Most of the comments were, "Wow, you must have a nice sister?" To which I responded, "Yes, I do."

Early this spring I was feeling the need to get a new purse and started shopping for one. I shopped and shopped and just couldn't find the right one (or should I say, the one that fit my champagne taste, but Boones Farm budget). I thought about my sister and how she always picks just the right one out for me. I selfishly picked up the phone and called her. When she answered the phone, I said I had a mission for her, should she choose to accept it. She asked what that would be. I went on to tell her that I would like for her to pick out a purse for me. I told her that I wanted to pay for the purse and the shipping, but I wanted her to choose the purse because she had a talent for selecting the perfect one. To my surprise, she was delighted to take on the task to find just the right purse and send it my way.
A week later my sister called and said she had found the purse and was putting it in the mail. I could hear the excitement in her voice, she was so happy that I had selected her to choose a purse for me. She told me it was perfect and she knew it was the right one for me when she saw it. She said it was a designer purse and it was pink.
Now, I have never owned a pink purse in my entire life and I tend to dress on the conservative side, but I knew instantly that this was the perfect purse for me. The truth was it didn't matter, what the purse looked like, I trusted that she bought this with her heart and that is what made it perfect. I knew I would love it because she had carefully and thoughtfully chosen it just for me. In that moment, this gift became so much more than just a purse. It became a trust, a bond and an opening of my heart.
My sister went on to say how much it meant to her that I called her to pick out a purse for me (and I thought I was being selfish). She said she loved doing it and wanted me to promise to just wear it through the summer and then she would select another one for the fall. She also said that she would not take any money for it or the shipping because she wanted to do this for me. I had no idea that asking her to accept this request would bring her so much joy and such a feeling of validation. This purse had become so much more than just a purse, it had become a gift of love.
When the package came in the mail, I called my sister and opened it. It was the perfect purse!
I proudly wear this purse and everyday I carry a part of my sister with me. This purse is a representation of what matters to me and all that I cherish.
Just the other day, someone complimented me on my purse. I smiled and said, "Thank you, my sister gave it to me." It is truly one of the best gifts I have ever received.

Multi-tasking

I'm sitting at a traffic light waiting for it to change. I see a woman coming down the street talking on her cell phone and not paying attention to the road. My next thought is that she is going to have a wreck. As soon as I release this thought, she smacks into another car. Fortunately, no one was hurt. The culprit in this incident is multi-tasking. Had she pulled off the road and taken the phone call or told the person on the phone she would call back, this might not have happened. Multi-tasking had proven dangerous for this woman.
I've come to realize that multi-tasking has become detrimental to me as well. In a time when multi-tasking has become regarded as an attribute, I feel it has become a detriment for me. Job descriptions and requirements boldly state that multi-tasking is a beneficial quality and valued by employers. It has been my experience that the time has come to give value to doing one thing at a time. Giving full attention and care to a task as I'm performing it, garners much better results than my partial attention. It allows me to do my best and get satisfaction from a job well done. So many times I've witnessed co-workers and bosses make mistakes due to the fact that they were multi-tasking and not giving the task at hand their full attention.
As a wife and mother, I've multi-tasked for years and at times even boasted about it. I can cook dinner and clean at the same time. I can pay bills and watch the news. I can answer e-mails and talk on the phone. I can fold laundry and talk to my children at the same time. I can do two things at once, but I no longer choose to do so. The reason for this is that I do not like the results of giving my partial attention to something or someone that requires all of me. I no longer want to talk to someone on the phone and not give them my full attention. When I pays bills, I want to look over the statement and make sure there are not any mistakes that need to be addressed. When my children talk to me, I want to look into their eyes and listen to what they are saying. I want to be present and give my presence.
A few weeks ago I was at the orthodontist's office with my daughter and was given some forms to fill out. While I was filling out the forms, the office administrator was talking to me. I began to notice that I wasn't giving the forms or the office administrator my full attention. I looked at the administrator and said, "can you give me a minute because I can't write and talk at the same time?" She said, "you can't write and talk at the same time?" With a tinge of embarrassment, I said, "no, I can't." The truth is that I could write and talk at the same time, I just chose not to. This was a turning point for me. Since then, I have made the decision not value the act of multi-tasking anymore. I know this is a habit, but it is one that no longer serves me and those around me. Breaking it is my conscious choice and a decision I make each time I'm tempted to multi-task. Doing one thing at a time is a lost art and one which has lost it's value. I find value in doing one thing at a time and this is what works best for me.
I look forward to the day when job descriptions and requirements read, "multi-taskers need not apply." In the meantime, I'll do as John Mayer says, "I'll keep on waiting... waiting on the world to change."

Out of My Mind

When my son came home from playing golf, I asked him how he played? He said, "Not well, I play best when I don't think." I had to smile to myself, because I knew exactly what he meant. However, it took me much longer to learn this about myself than it has taken him.
I have the same experience of this when I'm drawing, painting or writing. It doesn't happen right away, but moves in over time. In the process of creating, I release my mind and something outside me takes over. I'm no longer thinking and this is where my best work is created. Creativity flows through me, but it doesn't come from thinking. It comes from being "out of my mind." It is what I call "bliss." I suppose it is much like what an athlete feels when he or she is "in the zone", or when a writer or musician hits their stride.
It brings to mind the movie, "Billy Elliot". Billy goes to London to audition for the ballet and someone from the panel asks him, "How do you feel when you dance?" His first response is "I don't know", but then his facial expression changes and he stops thinking; he begins to feel what he feels while dancing and you can see that something else has taken over. He stumbles to articulate it and then says. "it doesn't happen right away, but eventually, it feels like electricity running through me." He expresses it beautifully. It is something that cannot come from the mind, it is something outside of thinking that takes over and comes through you.
Eckhart Tolle says, that all creation happens outside of the mind. It is my experience that anything of true value and substance happens when I am out of my mind. Miracles happen and God takes over when my mind gets out of the way and surrenders to endless possibilities and my highest potential. I love the experience of being out of my mind.

Listen to Yourself

Three years ago my friend lost her husband at an early age. She was left to raise two teenage sons alone. In an instant, her whole life was dismantled. The foundation upon which she had based her life rapidly dissolved. Everything she had trusted in and relied upon was gone. There was no chance of turning back, the process of creating her new reality was her only option. The familiar no longer applied to her life, she had to navigate her way through uncharted territory.
She went through all the emotions one does when crisis is thrust upon us. She experienced shock, anger, depression and acceptance. I witnessed much of her journey and I watched as she turned her pain into suffering. This suffering was for a worthy cause, it was for her growth and development. More importantly, in her eyes, it was for her sons. She never lost sight of the fact that she had to move forward and not live in the past. She made many tough decisions and rode the wave of change that had blown into her life. She didn't wallow in self-pity, she simply accepted her new life with full cooperation. As she once told me, "I sometimes fake it until I can make it."
Just last year, I asked what she had learned from this. Without hesitation, she said, "I learned to listen to myself."
I cannot think of a better lesson in life, than to listen to yourself. She chose to be responsible for all of her choices and accepted the consequences. By listening to herself, she chose a responsible life.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "a friend is one before whom I may think out loud."
Let me just say out loud, how proud I am of my friend and for all she has become. She has taken responsibility for her life and fulfilled her noble aspirations. She did all of this by listening to herself.
Have you learned to listen to yourself?

Bee's Birthday

Bee is my friend and neighbor. Her birthday is June 17th and she will be 91. Typically, when I mention Bee to someone who doesn't know her, they wonder why I hang around someone of that age. The answer is, because of how she makes me feel.
Bee is not your typical 91 year old. She has more vitality than an average 30 year old. She still cares for and maintains a two story Victorian home and does not require any outside help. While this is amazing in itself, this is not what I treasure most about her.
I love to spend time with her... my favorite thing, is when we go shopping together. She sees everything with a different set of eyes. She takes the common and makes it beautifully uncommon. She sees beauty where I may not have noticed, had she not pointed it out. She sees flaws and embraces them as if they were created for her to appreciate. She finds joy in the little things and joy finds her. Her enthusiasm is infectious and multiplies with each person she touches. She has a magical childlike quality and at the same time, the wisdom of an old soul. She lives in each moment and loves life.
When I look at her I don't see any age, I only see the beauty that radiates from her. When I'm with her, I always feel good. When I leave her, I always feel better than I did before I saw her. I treasure her friendship and the gift she is to me.
Happy Birthday Bee!!!

My Favorite Role

We all identify and define ourselves, to some degree, by roles we play in life. When thinking about the roles I have played in this lifetime, my favorite role without a doubt, is that of mother. I knew at an early age that part of my contract was to become a mother. When I say become a mother, I mean just that... I was not born with the innate ability to be a mother, I had to grow into that role. I didn't have children at an early age because I knew I had to learn who I was before I could possibly offer myself to the sacred responsibility of motherhood.
No one could have possibly prepared me for everything that motherhood had in store for me. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons it is my favorite role. It has been entirely, a live in the moment, trial and error, fly by the seat of my pants experience. There have been many difficulties, obstacles and sorrows to work through and overcome. Just when I thought I had something figured out, I realized I didn't know anything. I've had to start from scratch more times than I wish to count. But, I have to say, it has all been worth it.
Being a mother has stressed me in ways I had not thought possible (and I do mean that in the literal sense as well). It has allowed me to play mutiple roles, including doctor, nurse, psychologist, friend, student, teacher, tutor, creativity director, room mother, den mother, chauffeur, mentor and guide. It has never been dull and always challenging. It has brought me some of my biggest joys and greatest triumphs.
But, the greatest gift I have received has been my son and daugther. When they walk into a room, my eyes light up. They are people that I am proud to say, came through me. I've witnessed their journeys; and I'm amazed at the challenges they have gallantly tackled and the people they have become. I'm proud of the fact that they do not compromise their integrity and their self-esteem has been earned. I have learned so much from them. They are people I would be proud to work for, and with, and honored to call my friend. They are people I like to spend quality time with, and they are quality people.
If I could possibly take credit for even a minuscule part in influencing and guiding them to become the people they are today, then motherhood has been my greatest role. It is certainly my favorite role.
What is your greatest role in life?

Graduation Gift

I always cry at graduations and weddings. Not because I'm sad, but because I'm happy for the opportunities that lie ahead for those participating in the ceremony.
Just recently, my daughter came to me and asked, "If you had one piece of advice to give me, what would it be?" I told her that I would have numerous things to say, and she said, "No, just one." Without hesitation, I replied, "follow your passion."
For some reason I cannot get this question out of my mind, and I think this is because there was more I wanted to say. I would have told her to maintain self-respect and not to negotiate her integrity. I would have told her to listen to herself before she listens to anyone else. I would have told her to never ask for someone's permission to follow her dreams, and to always face her fears. I would have told her to love with all her heart, because the benefits would outweigh the pain of any suffering. I would have told her that there would be difficult times to endure, but to know she is never alone.
I then thought this would make a lovely graduation gift. A handwritten letter to the graduate sharing your own heartfelt advice. What one piece of advice would you give?
If I could only share one piece of advice, I'd have to make it a combination answer: Do not compromise your self-esteem and simply do what you love.

Sometimes we need to wait...

The current philosophy is that we need to live in the present moment and that waiting for the perfect moment is fruitless, because the perfect moment is now. If we truly live in the present moment we are sometimes guided to wait. Waiting contains a negative connotation, such as waiting in a doctor's office or waiting in line at the DMV. I believe there is a positive side to waiting, such as waiting for a flower to come into full bloom or waiting for the birth of a child. There is beauty and perfection in divine timing. There have been many times in my life when I knew something needed to be said, but if it were said to soon, it would fall on deaf ears. I knew I would have to wait and when the time was right, it would present itself. When the guidance I received was to wait, and I instinctively did so, the proper moment to speak up always presented itself. In a time of instant gratification and entitlement, we need to consider that waiting is not a passive state of being. Waiting is part of the process of creativity and maturation. What are you waiting for?