It's Not You, It's Me

Many years ago I was working at a law firm and shared an office with another paralegal. Now I liked this woman just fine, in fact, I can still call her a friend today. The one thing that was bothersome about this arrangement was that this woman talked a lot. She also had a bit of a negative outlook on things. I knew things about her upbringing that gave me clarity into why she saw things as negatively as she did. Therefore, on most occasions I could ignore the negativity.
I did a lot of research at this firm and I liked it just fine, but what I really loved was writing Memorandums of Law. I never told anyone how much I did love it, so consequently, I didn't get assigned too many writing duties. One day, counsel from outside our office asked for assistance on research and writing a Memorandum of Law. Because all the attorneys were busy, it was given to me. This tickled me pink, because I loved the opportunity to write for submission to a judge. It's pretty straight forward, it requires the facts of the case, the law as it applies to the facts, your argument intermingled within and your conclusion.
I took this home and worked on it on my own time. I researched, wrote, edited and refined until I got down to a final draft. The next morning I went into work to finalize and present it to the attorney for his approval. While sitting at my desk, my co-worker came in and started talking. She talked and talked and talked. All I could think about was how I wanted to finish the Memorandum and do my best, but the talking was distracting me. I couldn't concentrate and in a moment of self-indulgence I picked up my papers and went to the senior partner and asked whether I could use a recently vacated office to do my work. He told me to go ahead. As I was sitting in there working, this partner walked in and said that if I wanted to make this my office I could because no one else would be using it. I finished the Memorandum and turned it in.

The next morning I officially moved my things into the new office. I had only told my co-worker that I was moving and didn't explain why. Later that day she came to my office and sat down. She had tears in her eyes and asked me why I moved away from her. I felt like such a jerk and I knew I had been one. Part of me wanted to tell her that while I liked her, she talked too much and her negativity was sucking the life out of me. But I knew her self-esteem was not at its highest point at the moment, and I didn't want to bring her to a new low. So I uttered the old break-up line... I said, "It's not you, it's me." Normally, I would say this is the coward's way out, but something happened as I said those words. As the words came out, I knew I was speaking the honest truth. It wasn't her, it was me. While she annoyed me at times, I learned that rejecting her and her ways was not the real issue. Thanks to her, I stated my newly discovered truth. I told her that while I loved working with people and being around others, when it came down to my individual work, I liked to work alone. I told her that is when I get the best results and I also liked time alone to process the day. Up until that moment, I hadn't totally appreciated that aboout myself. As far, as work was concerned, I required alone time and it had nothing to do with her. It was all about me.

From that moment on, when I inevitably encounter an annoying person, I look at what I need to learn about myself. After all, "it's not about them, it's about me."