It's Not You, It's Me

Many years ago I was working at a law firm and shared an office with another paralegal. Now I liked this woman just fine, in fact, I can still call her a friend today. The one thing that was bothersome about this arrangement was that this woman talked a lot. She also had a bit of a negative outlook on things. I knew things about her upbringing that gave me clarity into why she saw things as negatively as she did. Therefore, on most occasions I could ignore the negativity.
I did a lot of research at this firm and I liked it just fine, but what I really loved was writing Memorandums of Law. I never told anyone how much I did love it, so consequently, I didn't get assigned too many writing duties. One day, counsel from outside our office asked for assistance on research and writing a Memorandum of Law. Because all the attorneys were busy, it was given to me. This tickled me pink, because I loved the opportunity to write for submission to a judge. It's pretty straight forward, it requires the facts of the case, the law as it applies to the facts, your argument intermingled within and your conclusion.
I took this home and worked on it on my own time. I researched, wrote, edited and refined until I got down to a final draft. The next morning I went into work to finalize and present it to the attorney for his approval. While sitting at my desk, my co-worker came in and started talking. She talked and talked and talked. All I could think about was how I wanted to finish the Memorandum and do my best, but the talking was distracting me. I couldn't concentrate and in a moment of self-indulgence I picked up my papers and went to the senior partner and asked whether I could use a recently vacated office to do my work. He told me to go ahead. As I was sitting in there working, this partner walked in and said that if I wanted to make this my office I could because no one else would be using it. I finished the Memorandum and turned it in.

The next morning I officially moved my things into the new office. I had only told my co-worker that I was moving and didn't explain why. Later that day she came to my office and sat down. She had tears in her eyes and asked me why I moved away from her. I felt like such a jerk and I knew I had been one. Part of me wanted to tell her that while I liked her, she talked too much and her negativity was sucking the life out of me. But I knew her self-esteem was not at its highest point at the moment, and I didn't want to bring her to a new low. So I uttered the old break-up line... I said, "It's not you, it's me." Normally, I would say this is the coward's way out, but something happened as I said those words. As the words came out, I knew I was speaking the honest truth. It wasn't her, it was me. While she annoyed me at times, I learned that rejecting her and her ways was not the real issue. Thanks to her, I stated my newly discovered truth. I told her that while I loved working with people and being around others, when it came down to my individual work, I liked to work alone. I told her that is when I get the best results and I also liked time alone to process the day. Up until that moment, I hadn't totally appreciated that aboout myself. As far, as work was concerned, I required alone time and it had nothing to do with her. It was all about me.

From that moment on, when I inevitably encounter an annoying person, I look at what I need to learn about myself. After all, "it's not about them, it's about me."

Phoebe in Wonderland

As I was walking down the aisle in the video store, the cover of a DVD caught my eye. It was the movie "Phoebe in Wonderland" and it had a picture of a huge sunflower and a girl peeking through the petals. I'm not sure why it caught my eye, but I picked it up and read the back cover. It didn't offer much clarity on what the movie was about, so I decided to leave it on the shelf. After perusing the plethora of movies, something brought me back to "Phoebe in Wonderland." Because I've learned to act on my intuition, I rented the movie and took it home.


Once home, I sat down with my husband to watch it. About fifteen minutes into the movie, my husband and I looked at each other in disbelief. It became very clear to us early on that this movie was about OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and Tourettes Syndrome. Both of us are intimately aware of these disorders because we have two children that have them. Normally, I don't share this with just anyone, because it involves my children and I prefer to keep it private. However, this movie touched me so much that I feel I need to share it because it may touch and help others going through the same thing.


Daniel Barnz is the writer and director of this brilliantly executed movie. It chronicles a young girl with OCD/Tourettes and her quiet, yet painful struggles, which are all too often misunderstood. The fluent depiction of the overwhelming affect that OCD/Tourettes has on Phoebe and her family is stunningly accurate.

What I loved the most about this movie is that while it shows Phoebe's battles, it also allows the viewer to recognize and value her unique talents. With the compassionate guidance of her Theater teacher, who has the ability to see and focus on Phoebe's gifts, Phoebe gains acceptance of herself and is allowed to shine.