Happiness

My son and I were driving down the expressway one day, and somehow stumbled into a conversation about happiness. At one point, my son said, "most people are happy and just don't know it."

My first thought was that this was a profound statement for a 21 year old. My second thought was that I knew exactly what he meant, and was in total agreement with his statement. I knew he meant that a lot of people spend a majority of their time thinking about the things they don't have, instead of focusing on what they do have. Our lives are a reflection of what we value, and what we choose to focus on. Once we accomplish a goal, or acquire something we desire, we tend to immediately think about the next thing we want, instead of looking at whether we have what we need. Most of the time, we have what we need, plus a good deal of what we want. When we focus on what is lacking in our lives, it kicks us into a state of unhappiness. After thinking about his statement for a few seconds, my son went on to say, "you know you're happy, when you wake up in the morning and you're just happy to be alive."

Of course, I had to ask... "Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling happy to just be alive?" He said, "I used to, when I was younger." I understood that the responsibilities of adulthood had taken the place of his carefree youth, but I was glad to hear that he'd experienced the feeling of just being happy to be alive. I know that no matter what he does, or where life takes him, he will have times of adversity and sadness; but I also know he will have this experience of happiness to access.

In that moment, I was happy being right where I was, and with someone who understood the real meaning of happiness. The extra bonus was that this person was my son!

A Simple Act of Kindness

Just recently, I walked into a Starbucks on a cold morning to purchase a warm drink. I placed my order at the counter and was reaching in my wallet to get the money, when a gentleman standing next to me said, "I'm paying for her drink." I glanced over and saw there was a line forming behind each of us, and I didn't know this gentleman, so I assumed he couldn't be talking about me. I handed my money to the cashier and he said, "he's paying for your drink." This was completely unexpected and I was curiously surprised, so I uttered the first words which came to mind. I looked at this man and said, "Why do you want to pay for my drink?" He responded with, "I just want you to have a wonderful day." I told him how grateful I was, and that his generous act of kindness was such a nice surprise.

We moved over to wait for our drinks to be prepared. I told him that a few days earlier, I purchased two items at a retail store, and as I was walking out of the store, I looked at my receipt and realized that I was only charged for one item. I went back to the same cashier and told her I was not charged for one of the items. She was surprised that I would come back, and said that something good was going to happen to me. I told this gentleman that he was the good thing that happened to me.

He went on to share with me the real reason I'm writing this. He said that the previous week, he was in line behind a woman in this same Starbucks when she said, "I'm paying for his drink." He said he was as surprised and grateful as I was, so he asked her what he could do to repay her. She said "just buy someone else a drink one day." He then told me that I was the one he had chosen to buy a drink for.

He got his drink, and again, wished me a wonderful day. I did have a wonderful day, and it spilled into the next day, and the next.

This nameless, faceless woman that I have never met, connected with me through this kind gentleman, and made a difference in two lives... with just one simple act of kindness.

An Adventure

I was sitting at my desk while working one morning, picked up the phone and called a friend at her office (this is not something I normally do, unless there is an emergency, this was also before the internet and e-mail)... When she answered the phone, I said, "I need an adventure." She was a bit stunned and laughed, but then went on to say she had a free airline ticket and we should go somewhere. In the end, we did take a vacation together and had a great time.

All this took place about fifteen years ago, and I still find myself needing an adventure from time to time. What I've come to realize is that what I call "an adventure" is really my way of saying, I need to do something different. What I didn't understand at the time I called my friend, was that the restlessness I was feeling was just my inner guidance telling me it was time to do something new. While it was nice to get out of town with a good friend and experience a change of scenery and events together, it wasn't what I really needed.

I needed to experience something different, and this didn't necessarily mean my external surroundings needed changing, it was more about the changes taking place in my internal landscape. There was a shift inside me that was calling for me to take notice... this is what I call restlessness. It moves in subtly and gently nudges at me until it can no longer be ignored. Nothing is working the way it used to and something has to be done differently. This means a new perspective and outlook is asking to be embraced and acted on. This is a moment of opportunity for growth and development. This is when I find myself saying, I need an adventure. I need to undergo things in a different way because I am growing and longing to experience more of myself and what I'm capable of. My old life is no longer working for me... I've become stagnant.

The adventure I'm speaking of does not require leaving the city, my home or the people in my life... it just requires that I view things in a different way; and adopt the new perspective and life that is trying to break it's way through. I choose to call it an adventure because it implies positive change and something I want to experience, as opposed to the changes which are imposed on me and I find myself resisting.

Over the years I've learned to view that nasty word "change" differently. I choose to see it as a chance to have an adventure. "An adventure" just means it's time for some positive change... it means it's time to do something different and be someone more!

Just Be You

I went to high school at a time when girls who were considered attractive had straight hair and a tan. This was unfortunate for me, because I had curly hair, pale skin, and freckles.

Straightening my hair took a lot of time and effort, but it's what I did because I wanted to be attractive and accepted. I did my best to be just like everyone else. Of course, that was never going to be quite possible, due to the fact that when I tried to tan, I just turned red and freckled more. However, this never stopped me from trying. I was sunburned more times than I can count, and I put much effort into keeping my hair straight, even when rain and humidity made it a challenge. I had a routine each evening of taking a shower, blow drying my hair as I straightened it with a brush, and then I would iron it, if need be. (This was before the days of straightening irons, so I used the clothes iron and put my head on the ironing board).

When the times shifted a little and soft curls became the hairstyle of the day, I just added another step to my routine. After blow drying it straight, I would take hot curlers and curl it to add some soft curls. All of this took time, effort and energy. Not to mention the damage I was doing to my hair.

I continued to do this for years, until one day in my early twenties, I was getting ready for work and made a conscious shift internally. I realized I was putting entirely too much effort into trying to be something I was not. Routinely straightening my hair in an effort to be accepted meant resistance and unacceptance of who I was. I was tired of swimming upstream and struggling to be something I was not. That day I went to work with curly hair, pale skin, and freckles... and it was effortless. From that day forward I stopped the daily routine of straightening my hair. I stopped the insanity of intentionally exposing my skin to the sun in hopes that it would turn darker. I'm not sure whether struggling to be something I wasn't was the impetus for this internal change, or whether it was just me no longer resisting who I was... but it was effortless and easy. It felt natural, and was just me.

I know it's been said that when you make an internal change, your external world also changes. So, I guess it makes sense that shortly after internally accepting my external self just as I was, that I met the man who is now my husband and father of my children.

It's always effortless and easy to just be you... and I believe this is how it's supposed to be!

Being Vulnerable

Being vulnerable is usually seen as a negative attribute and often times it can be interpreted as being "needy." Most of us avoid being vulnerable because it's a time when all of our insecurities rise to the surface for all to see. It can feel as though we are walking around with an open wound and our mere exposure threatens to damage us beyond repair.

I interpret vulnerability as a time of change. Just as a physical wound needs exposure to the air in order to heal, your insecurities need exposure in order for you to recognize and accept them for what they are... fear of the unknown, and doubt that you can handle it.
Vulnerability is imperative for growth and reaching your higher potential. It just means that you are changing, and change means you are becoming more. While it may seem silly to think that most of us run from becoming more, it's true. Most of us would rather stay exactly as we are, than run the risk of looking stupid or failing.

Being vulnerable means we are holding on to a way of life or perspective that is no longer working for us. We cling to people who are familiar to us, only to find these people don't quite understand us anymore. We grasp onto a way of life that once fulfilled us, only to discover this lifestyle is completely unfulfilling. Our soul is trying to tell us to try something new... but we resist because we're afraid. We're afraid of losing a life we had, and at the same time realizing this is a life in which we no longer belong. We lose our footing and feel ungrounded. We're not sure where to turn or what step to take next.

If we can see this as a natural part of the growing process and an opportuniry to develop new aspects of ourselves, we just might see this as a good thing.

Being vulnerable means we are cracking ourselves open to new possibilities. It's our creative nature calling and asking us to listen to our intuition. It may mean taking risks and it most certainly means you may look foolish... but aren't you worth it? Listen to your creative impulses and ask yourself, "What in me is waiting to be born?"

Being vulnerable means it's time to stop waiting and start trusting that you can be more... that you are more. Vulnerability signifies a window of opportunity for doing something different and being something more.

Out of Control

One morning while sitting at a stop light, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw a car coming at me at a rapid speed. I knew I was about be hit... and yet there wasn't anything I can do to prevent it from happening. I tightened up and braced for impact. I was hit from behind, then the car that hit me bounced off my bumper, rolled back and then forward, hitting me again, which in turn caused me to hit the car in front of me.

The female driver of the vehicle had unexpectedly suffered a seizure and this is what caused the collision. Fortunately, the woman's air bag deployed which prevented her from being seriously injured. My daughter was in the car with me and thankfully, we were not physically hurt, except for experiencing a few bruises and some soreness.

The next morning, my daughter asked me to take a different route to school because she didn't feel safe going that same way. I told her I didn't want the situation to control our sense of security, so we took the same route in order to face the fear of be unsafe. I actually thought that taking this same route and facing the possibility of us getting hit again would make me feel safe, but it didn't.

Since the accident, whenever I'm behind the wheel of the car, I find myself wincing when I see someone in my mirror steadily approaching me from behind or following me too closely. I know that I keep revisiting the accident and I've tried to shake it off, but still, after several months I continue to tighten up when a vehicle approaches me at a rapid pace from behind. I'm really tired of feeling this way and yet I can't seem to help it. So I finally asked myself, "what is it that I'm so afraid of?" I'm afraid of getting hit again... since the chance of this happening in the exact same manner is highly unlikely, I then realized that it's something much deeper that I'm really afraid of. I'm afraid of not having control over what happens to me and those I love. I'm afraid of being out of control. I never think of myself as a control freak, but I have to admit that being out of control is something that scares me. It took this accident to get me to see clearly that I need to surrender my need for control. I can steer the wheel, but it doesn't mean I'm in control of what happens to me on the way to my destination.

It's ironic that I fear being out of control, because all the major events of my life that led me in a different direction and created positive change, have been unplanned and ones that I didn't see coming. They reinforced my faith and trust in the fact that I am always given exactly what I need, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Everything that happens to me serves my growth and development.

So why then, knowing this to be true, do I now fear being out of control? It took this accident to remind me that I don't have complete control of my life. Each time I get in the car and become uneasy with the anxious feeling of wincing and tightening when someone approaches me from behind, I'm actually trying to control of all that happens to me through my fears. As much as I want to believe I have control of what happens to me, I'm much more uncomfortable with the thought of going through life being afraid and allowing my fears to control me. I know the only way to stop this uneasiness when I'm in the car is to surrender my need for control. Surrendering my need for control is surrendering my fear of being out of control.


Now, when I'm driving and I see someone coming at me from behind and I feel myself start to tighten up, I realize this is my pathetic attempt to control something that I have no conrtol over. Once I start to feel anxious I know it's time to say, "I surrender."

Honor Oneself

As I watched the events of the last few weeks unfold between NBC, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien, I realized that I was was watching the development of personal power right before my eyes. This is not about the blame game or casting anyone in a negative light, it's about the sacred act of honoring oneself... in my opinion, Conan O'Brien executed it magnificently with his decision to leave NBC and with his final show on Friday, January 22nd.

We all have the opportunity to influence the next stage of our lives through the choices we make in the present moment. Conan was given the directive that his show would be moved to 12:05am and this directive caused great discomfort for him for many reasons. Conan had the self-esteem to recognize that this discomfort was actually his intuition guiding him to take charge of his life and make choices that will enhance his spirit. Guidance requires action, but it does not necessarily guarantee safety. Guidance will most often direct us on a new path and one of new cycles of learning that will ignite our creativity.

From the outside his decision seemed easy, because he would still be financially set and able to maintain a comfortable lifestyle, but this is about self-respect. You cannot put a price tag on self-respect. This was a decision about choosing to honor his spirit or his physical comfort and security. In his last show, he said this was the hardest decision he has ever made in his life... and I believe him. He had the responsibility of all those people on his staff who uprooted their families to move to Los Angeles and would now lose their jobs. He had his reputation on the line and he had the possibility that his contract would prevent him from working on television for a number of years. He was at a crossroads and he had to make a choice. Should he make a choice that's safe and provides physical security, or does he listen to the discomfort he is feeling and recognize this as guidance directing him to honor his spirit?

By choosing to quit his job, he broke free of familiar and safe patterns and chose to test-fly his own creativity. He was breaking away from corporate thought and establishing his own sense of authority. He was re-creating himself and his boundaries in the face of opposition, and he had the courage to express and maintain his boundaries, as well as his principles. He did all of this based on a genuine inner belief in himself. His goodbye statement was heart-felt and devoid of negativity. He showed dignity and character. He is a shining example of personal power and the sacred act of honoring oneself. I have no doubt, that now that his spirit is in command, the next stage of his life has been positively influenced by his choice to honor himself.